Topic started by R.Sri Hari (@ modem8.bayrac2.eureka.lk) on Fri Mar 8 15:35:42 .
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.
Even in this Third Millennium, we hear of many cases of harassment for Dowry by the In-Laws among the societies in TamilNadu, and thereby many young married women are undergoing untold miseries, with verbal & physical abuses by these In-Laws and in many cases even by their own Husbands, ending up in they getting nervous breakdowns, commiting suicides, and Bride burnings.
If this situation existed among the uneducated, illiterate, poor families it is quite understandable. But very unfortunately this also exists among the educated - moderate and the rich - families of social standings.
Every effort must be taken by all Tamils in TamilNadu to wipe out this ugly Dowry System.
Three distinctive reasons are known to be the cause of this situation among our societies.
(a) In the first case the boys in these families fall in love with girls of poor or moderate status families promising the whole world to them, and each courageously marry the girl by convincing his parents to give their consent, or marry the girl against their consent.
But after marriage they with the mounting financial pressure in their married life loose their courage to stand by his wife, but hide behind the sarees of their mothers or the vestis (dhotis) of their fathers and shamelessly ask for Dowry joining together with them.
(b) In the second case where the boys not interested in Dowry married the girls whom they loved on their own accord against the wishes of his parents. After their marriage the annoyed parents instead of banging on to their sons, as a matter of revenge harass the poor daughter-in- laws.
The boys too have lost their courage they had at the time before marriage, to defend and safeguard their wife from their parental harassments.
In this instant it is noted even some father-in-laws however much they are educated or of high social standing they may be, still they become petty minded over sons Dowry issue and behave in a manner unworthy of his education and social standing.
(c) The third case is where a boy and girl who are in love with each other, and so the parents of both parties agrees on the wedding. After marriage the boys party on finding the girls party is unable to give the agreed Dowry on terms accepted and within the stipulated period after marriage, starts harrasing the girls and their parents for the Dowry.
What is the solution out of this ??? Let us think of same on this special day being the "International Women's Day"
(1) Young married women should get the absolute courage and determination to talk it over with their husbands on matters relating to Dowry, should it become a big issue in their life.
(2) In the first instance they must try to have a very peaceful and understanding dialogue with their husbands, and findout from them whether they prefers to go for their love and care for them - through out their life, or for girls Dowry - whether promised earlier by their parents - or not (in the event it has been a love affair), but presently being demanded by the men's parents long after marriage.
If boys says even though it was a love affair that resulted in their marriage, that they now needs Dowry to meets the financial pressure faced in thier married life, or in the event they are coming from well to do families and still insists firmly on Dowry after marriage, which the girls or girls parents cannot meet, then the girls will have to make their positive decisions for their betterment.
If the girls say they have no courage, strength and determination to stand the strain of the Dowry issue throughout their life time then best for them to return home to their Parents or their kith & kin, and better divorce such heartless and backboneless husbands, rather than undergoing mental and physical torture from these ruthless husbands, and be in tears throughout their life time.
If the boys say that they have married purely for girls love and care and that they are not keen in any Dowry from their wives, then their next target should be their mother-in-laws who are normally the "main causes of the these dowry stage dramas".
(3) Girls should be very courageouss to speakout to their mother-in-laws. Ask them whether they were not a daugter-in-law at one time, and whether they would have liked such harrasment from their father and mother-in-laws. Boldly ask them how they would feel if their own daughters (i.e husbands sisters) are harassed by their father & mother-in-laws for Dowry.
The mother-in-laws normally have one law for their own daughters, and another law for their daughter-in-laws. Even many unfair men have one rule for their sisters and another rule for their wifes.
(4) In many cases the father-in-laws have some what a soft corner for the daughter-in-laws and they speak on behalf of them, unless they are not the type being controlled by their wifes and puppets in their hands. But there are also many heartless wicked father-in-laws too, who value dowry more than the daughter-in -Laws.
(5) If that too fails girls should talk it out with their trust worthy friends to see how amicably and successfully they can solve the Dowry harassment problems of their husbands and In-laws in their favour.
(6) If that too fails girls should take a very bold decision and go back to their parents home, and divorce their husbands and be free birds rather than suffereing in tears, and spending years - every day in tension, anxiety and unhappiness ruining your physical and mental health and leading an unworthy life.
(7) This is why every TamilNadu young married women should be educated enough to get jobs and stand on their own feet, which will help them in very unfortunate situations like this to be with their parents or with their brothers and sisters until a new awakenings comes on their way in their life.
(8) Remember it is not a shame to divorce. It is thousand times better for girls to divorce their husbands and be a free bird rather being mentally & some times physically be harassed by their own husbands, mother-in-laws & father-in-laws.
(9) It is thousand times better for girls to be not married than marry boys who demand dowry.
R.Sri Hari
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